Of all the Sean Connery James Bond films, I have seen Thunderball the least. One reason is that whenever there was a Bond marathon on TV, I somehow managed to miss this one. Another reason was that I saw the unofficial remake with Sean Connery from the ‘80s, Never Say Never Again, more often and never had the desire to seek Thunderball out. Perhaps most importantly, however, I just didn't like Thunderball very much.

Of all the Bond films, this is low on my list of favorites. You could certainly argue that the Bond films that Sean Connery was in that followed were worse movies, but I still found them more entertaining than Thunderball. I think the most interesting thing is that I seem to be at odds with most Bond fans as it was hugely successful and popular at the time of its release. Is it a matter of taste? Or has the film just aged poorly? I'd say it's a bit of both.

Pros

• Background music isn't bad

• Overall plot of stealing nukes is cool

• Classic one-liners

• Impressive shots of underwater sequences for the time

Cons

• Camera is shaky and movement is sped up during action scenes

• Bond's attempts at "love" are still a bit forceful

• Bad hairpiece

• Bond is conveniently at the same resort as some key villains during his vacation, again

• Bad fight sequences

• Themesong by Tom Jones is forgettable

• Animal cruelty

• A lot of underwater sequences that slow everything down

• Editing is dated and rough: sharp jump-cuts, random screen wipes, lots of spots where the voices don't match

Plot & Thoughts

Thunderball opens with a classic sequence that spawned an Austin Powers joke in which James Bond (Sean Connery) punches a woman at a funeral. The woman is, in fact, a man in drag staging his death at his own funeral. They fight it out in the study of a large mansion before Bond escapes on a jetpack. The opening title sequence then starts, using the Tom Jones song and some silhouettes of women swimming fill the screen, and then there is a small moment at the end where you can hear Tom Jones fainting as he runs out of breath. After that, Thunderball grinds to a crawl and stays at that pace for the majority of the movie. Even in the big "action" sequences, the movie is still going slowly. Why? I'll explain along with the plot.

Thunderball's plot sees the return of the evil organization of S.P.E.C.T.R.E., which was in Dr. No as a reference, and From Russia With Love as a primary antagonistic group. The malicious organization's plan this time is to have an agent impersonate a pilot with high-security access, fake a military plane crash, steal the atomic bombs aboard, and hold the world hostage. It's actually a cool premise, albeit a little unbelievable in certain spots with how the impersonator can gain security access, but it's a Bond film, so suspend your disbelief. You just have to accept that the impersonator has the exact same face as the original pilot after extensive facial reconstructive surgery, just like how you have to accept that James Bond is also vacationing at the exact same facility where the impersonator and original pilot are staying, having no prior knowledge of this evil plot.

It takes a long time for Bond to finally leave this resort. There are a few moments where someone tries to kill him and more of the plot is revealed, but the main nuclear missile heist is pretty much completed before Bond finally starts to play a part in his own movie. It's only after he's finally given his assignment to locate the bombs and foil the plot that he starts to feel like the main character. The opening 30 minutes are mostly focused on the villains' plans. When he finally does get involved, it's back to the Bahamas where the locals wear white pants with red shirts and the tourists wear amazingly tacky Aloha shirts.

Once Bond is on the mission, it starts to feel like a spy movie again with him sneaking around and "charming" the ladies. Along the way, he encounters the main lady, Domino (Claudine Auger), along with the primary villain, Largo (Adolfo Celi). In typical Bond fashion, he comes on a bit strong to Domino and he interacts with the villain on a regular basis by being passive-aggressively charming to him. Just like in Goldfinger with how Bond and the villain were politely engaging each other under the pretense that one was going to kill the other eventually, Largo is the gracious host to 007 while constantly trying to outwit him and have someone kill him. The occasional assassination attempts continue throughout the course of the film until Bond finally finds out where the nukes are and there’s a big battle under the water.

Everything about Thunderball's experience just doesn't quite add up to anything special. The interactions between Largo and Bond, while not poorly written, already feel a little cliché just by how much it seems like it's copying the formula established in Goldfinger. While I like Domino as the key Bond girl, she feels a little underutilized by the end in comparison to the women in the previous films. There is also an evil Bond girl who James, of course, manages to “seduce.” However, she does not do a heel-turn like Pussy Galore did. When she disappoints him with this fact, he shouts back, "What I did this evening was for King and country. You don't think it gave me any pleasure, do you?" Apparently, this was the writers' clumsy method of showing that Bond's personal weapon did not necessarily work on every evil woman, in response to the criticism Goldfinger received for Pussy Galore's sudden defection. It just sounds even more stupid bringing our attention to it and it would have been better on the cutting-room floor.

Even though I have my issues with the dialogue and the characters, they are still acceptable when you compare them to the action sequences. The action sequences, though very popular at the time of Thunderball's initial release, well…they suck. When the action is on land, it's poorly choreographed. And, to make up for how dull the sequences are, the film is often sped up with the editing, along with some shaky-cam techniques to increase the frantic intensity of the moment. It just looks stupid and lazy. When the action is not on land, it's underwater.

Credit where credit is due, the underwater sequences look really good because the cameras they were using captured the scenes phenomenally. None of the Jaws films—all came out well after Thunderball—look this good in their underwater sequences. Unfortunately, what is usually happening underwater is dull because of a couple of reasons. First of all, water slows everything down. There's no dialogue, the movement is slower, and all the sounds are muffled. There are a few moments where people are fighting underwater, which looks ridiculous because you can see people trying to punch, kick, and stab each other. Try throwing a punch the next time you're in a swimming pool and see how effective it would be against someone at the bottom of the ocean. Despite the fact that all the underwater sequences are beautifully shot, they slow the movie down even more and make for terrible action scenes, which go on for far too long. Thunderball is already a long film and it's made even longer by the climactic underwater battle that lasts for 15 minutes.

This brings me to my last gripe with Thunderball. During the underwater sequences, there is some blatant abuse of sharks taking place. Animal abuse in film was allowed all the way up to the mid-1980s and several sharks get poorly treated in Thunderball—one is killed and another gets a spear shot at its gills. It’s something I can’t really judge the movie too harshly for since it is simply a product of its time, but I still don’t enjoy watching it.

TL;DR (Conclusion)

I find Thunderball the be one of the least entertaining James Bond movies with Sean Connery, official or otherwise. That's still a relatively high bar because, even at their worst, Connery's films still hold up better than some of the Bond films that follow. Speaking of, if you want to watch 007 foil an elaborate plot of stealing nuclear bombs in the Bahamas, the unofficial remake, Never Say Never Again is slightly better. It still has Sean Connery, he's a little more charming in his attempts to woo women, the pacing isn't bogged down as much by too many lengthy underwater sequences, and the villains are a little more entertaining. I don’t think too highly of either, but we’ll get to Never Say Never Again later in this review series.

Hair of the Dog - Bonus Bond Drinking Rule

Sharks are a persistent threat in Thunderball, at least the filmmakers want them to be. When they aren't shooting sharks in the head or just spear-fishing them, they're body-slamming them and jumping into pools with them. Though it's clear that the animals were rarely ever interested in the stuntmen, they are still supposed to be as dangerous as ever in the plot and the film wants to let you know they're around.

• Take a sip of your drink whenever a shark's presence is established in the scene. Bonus: Finish your drink if you see a moment of animal abuse take place.

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