Originally published March 2017

Of the three Hobbit films, I like this one the most, go figure. Act II of a story is usually the most tense and interesting because it's the act that has the revelations, the character growth, and everything building towards the climax. It's the act that has all the build-up and tension to keep the plot going. Though, I may also like this one the best because I paid the least attention to it of all of them.

When I finally stopped playing Civilization V long enough to pay attention, I saw more of the same problems I had with the last movie. The main problem still exists: this is part 2 of a trilogy that should only have been just one movie. It is filled with long scenes that need more movement and side-quests that serve as little more than extended distractions from the main storyline. At least the dragon part is good.

Pros

• New Zealand and Weta's sets are still pretty

• Smaug is a cool dragon whose personality steals the show

• Martin Freeman allowed a little more room to add personality to his character

• Oh, look! Some female characters! I forgot women existed in Middle-earth!

Cons

• Fan service to the max

• Elves are still show-offs, partially CGI, arrogant dicks who serve as little more than distractions

• Why is there a mystery to this "necromancer" who has no impact on the Hobbit story? We know who it is!

• Action still feels formulaic for most of it

• Everything still takes way too long

Plot & Thoughts

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is a step up from its predecessor, but only a minor one. It picks up where the last one left off, as you might expect from a single story that has been split into three parts—in case you haven't noticed, the 3-movie thing still really bugs me. The gang of dwarves, wizard, and hobbit make their way to the house of a dude who changes into a bear, or something. After an almost pointless scene that brings no personality to the situation, the gang is off again. They encounter elves and witness a great deal of Legolas fan service for the fan girls, who have been waiting so long for a reason to care about Orlando Bloom again, they're now fan moms. There are a few more action scenes with some orcs. Gandalf wanders off in search of a mystery that doesn't need to be included in the movie. The gang travels with Gaston from Beauty and the Beast to a city on a lake. And they finally make their way to the dwarven city where Smaug resides.

I know I said I liked this movie the best of the three, but it still sounds like I'm not into it, right? Well, the whole reason I like this one more is because of Smaug. However, he does not show up until the last 30 minutes. When he finally does show up, he steals the show and the action scenes that follow with him are more interesting to look at than any of the previous action scenes thus far. As one might expect from a film that has tried to stretch out its story more than possible, this action sequence goes on too long like all the others, but it is still at least interesting to watch. There are a bunch of different things happening all at once, but they aren't as difficult to follow. Not to mention, Smaug is just a good, old-fashioned, arrogant villain of a dragon.

That's where my praise starts and stops though. It still takes an eternity to get to Smaug, so before you can enjoy the action with the dragon, you have to slog through the rest of the fluff. Everyone, from the fabricated elves to the fabricated townspeople, has their own agenda and their own reasons for slowing down the caravan of dwarves (hint: it's a paycheck from the movie studio). The 3-movie business is always there, rearing its ugly head at me while I sit and try not to nod off to the pointless delays, long scenes, and bland characterization. The so-called friendship bond that is supposed to be forming between Bilbo and the dwarven king, Thorin, is not exactly apparent to me. While I think Thorin is a decent character in these films and has probably the most depth of any of them, I don't quite get the same sense of brotherhood as I did with Aragorn and the Fellowship. There were nine people in that group, but I remember everyone and their personalities way more. How could an additional 4 characters make every other dude with a beard so forgettable?

In addition to the slog of the main quest, we have the minor distractions to drag it all out as long as possible. To help remind us there is a villain across the course of these three films, we also keep getting little bits of story with the albino orc to eat up screen time. He's a villain who doesn't seem like he's supposed to be there, but we still end up seeing him a lot. A mysterious necromancer, whom Gandalf is seeking, is involved with the orc. So it must be very important we discover who it is and his intentions, right?

The necromancer's identity is presented like it's a mystery, but the filmmakers seem to have forgotten (again) that almost everyone who is watching these movies has seen the Lord of the Rings films. Since there's really only one powerful villain in this world, the reveal of his identity is no surprise to anyone. I doubt he's ever supposed to show up in The Hobbit, but when you have to stretch a plot out as much as this, you might as well make Gandalf go solve a mystery for which we already know the answer. Most of this could be condensed down into the span of 15 minutes total, but Peter Jackson probably doesn't know what an editor is. All of this fluff just adds to the lengthy run-time of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and prevents us from getting any closer to the end of this unnecessary trilogy.

TL;DR (Conclusion)

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is better than the first Hobbit film, but that is due in very little part to the actual film-making process being better. It is simply because it is Act 2 of the Hobbit story; it's the part of the story where things of significance start happening. The characters start to grow a little bit and the titular character is given the opportunity to be more than just a footnote to his own story. Still, none of these arcs or details are resolved by the end, because they needed a reason to make you see the third movie. My advice on how to enjoy this movie: skip to the part where the dragon shows up, which is about two hours in.

Do you agree or disagree? Tell me what you think in the comments!

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