Originally published July 2016

In the last sentence of my Superman III review, I said, "I can't wait to see if Superman IV is actually worse." I had already seen Superman IV before, and I could recall it being bad, but I couldn't tell you if I saw it before or after I had gained an appreciation for terrible movies, so I was unsure of what I was going to see when I watched it again. This movie is considered the all-time low of the film franchise, due to its poor acting, low production quality, and paper-thin storyline. It was also produced by the Electric Bugaloo gentlemen of Cannon films who brought us trashterpieces such as Masters of the Universe and Ninja III. So that should give you an idea of the quality we're in for here.

Not to be a contrarian by going against the grain of popular belief yet again, like I did with The Phantom Menace, but I'm going to be upfront and say it: Superman IV is the most watchable of any of the films. Objectively, it's a terrible movie with bad special effects, a plot that goes nowhere, dialogue that doesn't make sense, shitty editing, etc. However, all that stuff and more is what makes this movie so much more entertaining than the rest. At least it gives me something to laugh at.

Pros

• Reeve is still Reeve, though a little over-the-top at times

• They got John Williams back for the score

• Lex Luthor feels more like a legitimate mad scientist villain for a change and isn't a joke of a character

• The dialogue between Superman and Lex is actually better than it's been in the past and feels like there's actually a little tension

• All the shittiness I already mentioned

• Ridiculous arbitrary nonsense that is just laughable

Cons

• Lois Lane is more involved again

• Superman keeps coming up with new powers, like Repair-o-Vision and the MIB-memory-wipe-kiss

• Ridiculous arbitrary nonsense that isn't laughable

• Other movie shittiness that isn't funny

Plot & THoughts

It's always difficult to give Pros and Cons to a bad movie I find entertaining because the bad qualities of a film that I find funny are still bad qualities, of which, Superman IV has plenty. Not every flaw is laughable so there are bound to be a few flops here and there, and some people don't see the humor in it anyway, so they can still be classified as cons. In other words, this movie is still terrible, unless you can find the humor in its failings.

Where do I start with this film? The general gist of the plot is that some little boy writes a letter to Superman asking him to rid the world of nuclear weapons. This somehow makes national news, Superman obliges the kid, and Lex Luthor shoots some DNA science experiment into the sun, creating an evil, spandex-wearing Superman clone who is solar-powered and has fancy nail polish. They're all connected somehow.

First of all, the little boy's letter to Superman is received at the Daily Planet news station, as though that's his mailing address. Somehow, Clark Kent is supposed to be Superman's primary correspondent and people at the news station seem to think so too by talking to Clark as if he's supposed to know him personally, even though I'm fairly certain that's not supposed to be the case. (I think the writers got Superman's story confused with Spider-Man's.) They play up the sentimentality of a little boy's letter to Superman about stopping the Cold War as much as they can and really force the actors to search for some feeling in this farcical script.

Regardless, the main plot of this movie is that Superman has to make the tough decision of interfering with the politics of Earth in order to end the Cold War. You'd think this would be a quick decision, and you're right, but the movie wants to place a lot of emphasis on what could possibly be going through his head. He's not supposed to interfere with our affairs because... that would be bad? It's not like he hasn't already turned back the rotation of the earth twice for Lois. He ponders his decisions for about 5 minutes, then does it. He addresses the United Nations about getting rid of all the nukes, and not a single representative among them has a problem with it. All the countries shoot their nukes into space, and he hurls them in a giant net into the sun. The end.

That's the end of that plot anyway. There's still about an hour and 20 minutes left in the movie, though, so something else has to happen. Enter Luthor. Lex Luthor escapes from prison with his new henchman: his nephew, played by Jon Cryer, who has the best outfits of the ‘80s. He's probably the funniest and most competent henchman Luthor has had in the films so far, so good for him, I guess. They escape, get some Superman DNA, and shoot it into space, where Superman hurls it into the sun under the assumption it's another nuke. Oh, but that DNA had some evil programming and a few pieces of spandex with it! Yes, they provide the DNA sample with spandex so that it will grow into its stupid outfit. The DNA sample becomes a nuclear space-fetus and Nuclear Man is born.

Nuclear Man comes to earth, has Gene Hackman's voice edited over him, and completely powers down to sleep if there is no sunlight cast on him. He makes a bunch of funny faces, roars, and shows off his gold fingernails. So, he has pretty much all you need out of a supervillain. He and Superman fight at some point and the movie gets dumber than it already is. For instance: the movie forgets that Metropolis is NOT New York City several times; it forces in some other plot points that I don't quite understand, like a sickness caused by Nuclear Man's tetanus scratch attack; it also forgets that people can't breathe in space. It just goes hard off the rails.

There are a couple of other sub-plots going on in Superman IV that go nowhere essentially, but that doesn't really matter. If you've stuck with the film to the halfway point, you won't even care about those plots. You'll just be wondering what stupid nonsense is going to happen next.

TL;DR (Conclusion)

Superman IV is stupid, bad, and so ridiculous that it is way more engaging than any of the previous Superman films. I won't say it's the best, because that's a bit of a stretch, but I will say I had the most fun watching it of any of the Superman movies I've seen. I also made up a few drinking rules along the way to improve my experience. So let's end the review with the rules that might make this movie more fun for you.

Hair of the Dog - Superman IV

Take a sip of your beverage anytime the following occurs:

1. Superman flies towards the screen with the same blue-screen effect behind him

2. Superman theme song plays

3. Nuclear Man roars or shows off his nails

4. Anytime the sound editing or voice-over sounds terrible; ie, the kid who mails Superman, or Nuclear Man

5. The new female lead says "Daddy"

6. Any clear mistakes, such as the wrong city landmarks, or a person being able to breathe/fall in space

7. Other Universal Hair of the Dog rules